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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29286747">The Saviors</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmeltearding/pseuds/murmeltearding'>murmeltearding</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Journey [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Weather, Blood and Gore, Coffee, Drinking, Explicit Language, F/M, Face-Fucking, Fear, Guns, Hand Jobs, Hiding, Killing, Knives, Language, Love, Marriage Proposal, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rain, Shooting Guns, Trauma, Walkers (Walking Dead), Zombies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:28:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,543</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29286747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/murmeltearding/pseuds/murmeltearding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the third installment of my Journey series. <br/>Negan and Alana have been badly traumatized in the last couple chapters of the second installment. A few months have passed since then, during which they have tried to deal with things their own ways, each on their own. <br/>Neither have been doing it very well on their own. Now they decide to try dealing with shit together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Journey [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A new Goal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few months had passed since Negan and I had gotten captured.</p><p>My arm was almost as good as it had been before if I didn’t try to lift anything too heavy. My nose would forever remain crooked, but I was alive, which, considering we were living the apocalypse, had to account for something.</p><p>The physical scars weren’t the really bad ones though. Whatever had happened at that frat house, it had broken something inside both of us.</p><p>Negan, despite being loving and caring as ever when we were alone, had hardened towards everyone else. He had become a hard leader, unafraid to punish the smallest of transgressions. Probably good under the circumstances, but in all honesty, I thought he overdid it sometimes.</p><p>Me, I had drawn back into myself. I didn’t like being touched by anyone. I couldn’t bear crowds and whenever a man I didn’t know got too close to me, I felt panicky. Sex, even the thought, made me feel anxious.</p><p>Negan and I had tried getting closer a few times, on the good days I had every once in a while, where I could bear being held by him but I had broken out in tears each time at one point or another, without being able to say why exactly.</p><p>He claimed he loved me either way, broken or not, with or without sex, but I had found long hairs on his body a couple times that weren’t mine and that had no place being where they were; he sometimes smelled not quite like himself and one time he had had four evenly spaced scratches on his shoulder.</p><p>I had never outright asked him whether or not he was having sex with other women, but there were whispers.</p><p> </p><p>Our community had grown in size. We occupied six houses now, some of which even had running water and electricity. For easier distinction, we called each house by the number in which order we had taken it over. Ours was 01 of course.</p><p>Unable to roam far from the safety of 01, I had started working in the kitchen. Oliver and Christa, my co-cooks from 03 and 06 respectively and I were cutting potatoes, when two hands were put on my hips from behind. “There you are, pretty,” Negan whispered, kissing my neck.</p><p>I swallowed.</p><p>I was being touched, without warning.</p><p>But this was Negan.</p><p>I loved Negan.</p><p>He wouldn’t hurt me.</p><p>Forcing myself to lean against him, I let him wrap his arms around me. “Where else would I be?” I muttered.</p><p>“Nowhere. You’re always here, slaving away so those ungrateful fucks outside get their meals… You’re what keeps this whole operation going,” he whispered. He knew I felt bad for not going outside to help the others scavenge or hunt, so he made extra sure to always tell me what I was doing was just as important.</p><p>“What’s for dinner tonight?” he asked, voice a little louder.</p><p>“Vegetable stew with rabbit meat from yesterday’s hunt,” Oliver confidently said. He was a skinny fellow who liked poetry more than anything else. The way he held himself and his thick glasses spoke of a life spent over books rather than doing any kind of physical labor. He had joined us a few months ago and, harmless as he looked, was one of the few men I could stand being close to.</p><p> </p><p>Another change was our group name: We were calling ourselves <em>The Saviors </em>now.</p><p>I thought it sounded a bit over the top but Negan and Simon had overruled me in their decision process. The three of us formed the official ruling council, with Negan on the very top, of course.</p><p>Micah had had to leave 01 and move to 02 after the whole incident at the frat house. I couldn’t bear sleeping under the same roof as him any longer.</p><p>He had been the one who had doctored me back to health, after my whole endeavor and I would probably have died without him, but that didn’t mean I trusted him.</p><p>The fact he had been an EMT before the apocalypse and we needed someone with medical training for our community to work was the only reason we still hadn’t kicked his ass. He was very aware of the fact we needed him and obviously enjoyed the role of the town doctor, taking himself to be very important and reminding everyone of just that at every chance he got.</p><p>+++</p><p>It was early in the morning and I was outside in the garden, harvesting carrots and whatever else I deemed right to be cooked today. I liked being up early. It was quiet and no one bothered me. The earth was still damp from the night, but the sun was warming my back already.</p><p>A walker, as we had started calling them, moaning, made me look up. We had erected a fence around our community, but it wasn’t high enough to keep every single walker out. If one was particularly determined to get inside, it usually made it.</p><p>Guards were supposed to be on duty and patrolling at all hours of the day, and I looked around to find one. No one was close by.</p><p>I hadn’t killed a walker in forever, but I didn’t want to wake up everyone by calling for a guard. My garden knife was a little dull from mistreating it to dig in the earth every once in a while, but I still knew how to take a walker down. Full of confidence I got up and moved towards it, telling myself I could do this. I had done it before. I could do it again. Easy as pie.</p><p>I grabbed the monster’s shoulder and stabbed it in the temple.</p><p>It went down without another sound. I wiped my knife on my jeans and was about to turn back to my vegetable beds, when another walker appeared in my line of vision. Three more, in fact.</p><p>There went my confidence…</p><p>“Guards?” I called, letting the others sleep in wasn’t priority any more. If there were four walkers, that must mean we had a breach in the fence. “GUARDS!”</p><p>My shouts, of course, drew the walkers towards me.</p><p>I swallowed but braced myself to fight them, despite the feeling of uneasiness that wanted to creep over me. It was better if they came towards me than if they walked into one of the houses.</p><p>I was wide awake and had a weapon. Others might not be so lucky.</p><p>Pulling myself up to my full height, I moved towards the walkers and stabbed the first one. My stab went lopsided and my knife broke off with a crack, half of the blade sticking in my victim’s head.</p><p>Damn.</p><p>I moved backwards a couple of steps, keeping my gaze firmly on the zombies. The one with the knife in its head slowly dropped as if it only now realized it had been killed. The other two didn’t even take notice of their friend’s demise.</p><p>Where were those damn guards?</p><p>Turning towards the house I realized Negan was standing by the back door. Good. He would shoot them and be done with it.</p><p>Only… he didn’t shoot them. What the fuck?</p><p>“What are you waiting for?” I called, hurrying towards him.</p><p>He handed me my old knife, the one I had stolen from the frat guy so many months ago. “You have things under control. Finish them,” he calmly said.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You need this. Go on.” He motioned me towards the walkers. “Chop-Chop!”</p><p>I shot him a glance but turned towards the walkers again. I had a weapon. I could finish them, of course, but…</p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you shoot them?” I asked a few minutes later, as I was washing my hands.</p><p>“You needed to remember how strong you are,” he softly said.</p><p>“I know I’m strong,” I protested.</p><p>“Do you?” He raised an eyebrow at me.</p><p>“Well… I mean…” I hesitated. Did I know?</p><p>“Don’t think it doesn’t bother me, seeing you so drawn back into yourself! That Amazon you used to be is still in there! She’s just hiding somewhere inside that pretty head of yours.”</p><p>I sighed. He was right, but…</p><p>“Don’t get me wrong,” he continued before I could come up with something sensible to say. “That thing that happened to you… it’s… fuck, I don’t have the words to express how angry it makes me! Seeing how those fuckers broke you… how scared you are, every damn day…”</p><p>“I… ‘m sorry,” I whispered.</p><p>“No! Don’t fucking apologize! It’s not your fucking fault! Those assholes ruined you!” He pulled me close and pressed a kiss to my temple. “I want you to come with us next week,” he said.</p><p>I knew they had an attack on the frat house planned next week. They had been setting it up forever. I just hadn’t thought they’d need me to come with them.</p><p>“I’m not a fighter,” I said.</p><p>“You know damn well that’s bullshit! Deep inside of you, that fire is still burning. I want you to see them fuckers dead. I want you to be able to take revenge! So you don’t have to be scared anymore!”</p><p>I swallowed. I wanted that too. Being scared all the time sucked! “But what if… what if they get me again?” Involuntarily I hugged myself, blinking away tears that threatened to fill my eyes. Thinking back to what they had done to me, to us… the pain, the humiliation, the fear…</p><p>Negan shook his head. “They won’t. I’ll be there. We’ll have soldiers there. We’ll fucking annihilate them. And I want you to be there for it too. We’ve let them believe they won for long enough.” He put an arm around my shoulders. “I only need you to remember you can still fight.”</p><p>I sniffled. “But those were just… just walkers.”</p><p>“Yea, and you didn’t hesitate to fuck them up.”</p><p>That was true. I hadn’t even thought twice about killing them. “Because I wanted to protect the others… the kids…”</p><p>Negan nodded. “See, that’s what I was talking about! You want to protect, not be protected! And when you come with us next week, you’ll do just that. Protect those weaker than yourself. You’re so fucking strong! You’re just a little broken.” He kissed the top of my head.</p><p>I sighed. He was right. I knew he was right. I had come to the same conclusion so often… I just didn’t know how to stick my broken parts together again. Violence had been what had broken me. Could violence be the solution as well?</p><p>“I… I’m scared.”</p><p>“Course you are. I’m scared too.”</p><p>“Then why go there?”</p><p>“Are you really asking me that question?” he said.</p><p>I sighed. It was a stupid question. I knew it was. But… was I strong enough? Was I brave enough? Would I be able to kill humans? I had killed before, but that seemed like a long time ago now.</p><p>Hugging myself tighter, I turned and watched the smoke rising from where they were burning the walkers.</p><p>“Can I ask you something?” I said after a while.</p><p>Negan kissed my temple. “What is it?”</p><p>I took a deep breath. “It’s just that… people are talking and I tried ignoring it, but… do you have sex with other women?”</p><p>I felt him stiffen. “Shit, Alana… don’t ask that kind of question.”</p><p>“What kind?”</p><p>“The kind you don’t want to know the answer to.”</p><p>“So… it’s true…” I made it a statement, not a question. I knew I was supposed to be mad, but I wasn’t. I had kind of known the answer already and come to terms with it, somehow.</p><p>Negan sighed and pulled his arm away from me. “We’re each coping in our own way,” he muttered.</p><p>I looked at him soundlessly.</p><p>“Don’t look at me like that…” He got up and motioned for me to follow him.</p><p>We walked a few steps away from the houses, out of earshot of the bonfire and he took my hand, slowly walking into the wilderness that seemed to creep closer to our settlement with every day that passed. He looked around to make sure we were really alone before he started talking again. “What happened back there… in that cell… what those assholes did,” he swallowed and took my hand, focusing on my fingers, letting his thumb move over my skin. “It made me feel like I was… some kind of fucking wimp or whatever you want to call it.”</p><p>I looked at him, dumbfounded, as I thought over what he had just said. He had never outright told me what had happened to him while I had been upstairs, but… I turned our joined hands over and took his hand up to kiss his knuckles. “You never said,” I whispered, stepping against him and putting my arm around his waist.</p><p>“You were dealing with your own shit.”</p><p>“That doesn’t mean you couldn’t talk to me…”</p><p>He shook his head. “Talking… wouldn’t have helped… I needed to prove to myself…” he shrugged, shaking his head, “you know… that I was still… still…” His words seemed to pain him, “a real man, for fucks sake. And you were so broken, I… couldn’t ask you to…”</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, hugging him and fighting back tears.</p><p>“Me too,” he said. “None of them mattered! You’re the only one… Shit, I sound like a fucking Micah.”</p><p>I had so often wished to just turn back time, so I would never have had to go through that whole event. Only I had never thought about what it had done to Negan. I had been too occupied with my own shit…</p><p>I shook my head. “You don’t! Micah would never have admitted anything like that…” I snorted. “You just… did what helped you deal with stuff.”</p><p>He nodded thoughtfully. “I need you to come with us next week,” he said. “Mental hygiene or some shit! We need to do this together.”</p><p>I nodded. “Yea, okay…We’ll fuck them up. Like we did in the old times.”</p><p>He nodded. “Just you and I…”</p><p>“… and most of our soldiers.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Making Preparations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After having talked things through in the last chapter, Negan and Alana manage to get closer again.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I knew Negan had scouts to watch the frat house. I just hadn’t been aware their… no, our, intel was so detailed. We knew how many people were living in the house, we knew their routines, their shift changes,…</p><p>Up till now, I had gone to bed early whenever there had been a meeting about the upcoming raid at our house. Now that Negan had persuaded me to come along, I was sitting in on it.</p><p>I had been scared it would trigger me, and I had been right to do so, but I managed; because I had to. No one but me had ever been inside the actual house. They had seen it through the windows, but I had been inside firsthand. Six months ago, admittedly, but the floorplan probably hadn’t changed.</p><p>The interior of the house had burned itself into my brain. Images of the bathroom, the feeling of… helplessness, the cold, the desperation… I drew up a sketch as well as I could remember, the lines squiggly because my hands wanted to shake so badly.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Negan said, noticing my discomfort.</p><p>The others didn’t officially know what had happened to us, but they… knew. The piteous glances of five men, Negan, Simon, Dwight and two military looking guys I didn’t know the names of, and Mona, the one woman on the war council rested on me and I got up, unable to bear them.</p><p>“Anyone else want a drink?” I asked, forcing myself to sound casual as I moved into the kitchen.</p><p>Negan followed me. “You don’t have to do this if it’s too much.”</p><p>“I know…” I whispered, holding on to the bottle to stop my hands from shaking.</p><p>Negan gently took it from me and poured a couple drinks, holding one out for me.</p><p>I downed it in one gulp, welcoming the warmth it filled me with. It reminded me where I was.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, I took three of the glasses and carried them to the table, where the others were awkwardly sitting. The woman, Mona, was the chief of the scouts… well, chief might be a bit of an overstatement, considering there were only two of them, but she was the one taking part in these meetings, so… She had thick, black hair she always wore in a ponytail and that I deeply envied her of. The scar of a cleft lip drew attention away from her deep brown eyes. She didn’t talk much, but she was smart. I liked that in people.</p><p>She smiled at me sympathetically when I sat down again. She had joined us a couple months ago, but I had been so occupied with my own bullshit, I hadn’t even taken time to get to know her. Had she been… raped too? Even thinking the word still felt almost impossible.</p><p>I downed another glass of scotch and quickly finished the drawing of the house, pushing the pictures of what had happened in there to the very back of my mind.</p><p>Then I got up. “I’m gonna get some air,” I muttered, refilling my glass.</p><p> </p><p>I sat down on the stairs to the back door, tiredly leaning against the wall behind me.</p><p>The door opened again and I expected Negan to come out, but someone else sat down beside me.</p><p>“You’re not the only one they’ve done this to,” Mona said without preamble. “There have been at least two others… one didn’t survive…”</p><p>I swallowed. “Why would they…?”</p><p>She shook her head. “God knows…” She lit a cigarette and took a deep inhale. “I just wanted to come out to tell you if you need to talk to anyone… I’m here.”</p><p>“Thank you,” I muttered, not looking at her. Did I want to talk about it? I thought I had managed to bury everything at the very back of my mind quite well, but thinking back to the past months now… How had I not realized how much I had changed? How much quieter I had become? “Maybe another day…” I got to my feet. It was late and I was tired. I’d have to be up early tomorrow.</p><p>“You know where I’m staying,” Mona said.</p><p> </p><p>I went straight to the bathroom and to bed right after. Today had pushed back up a lot of feelings. Absentmindedly, I let my fingers move over the scar on the back of my arm. It looked awful. The skin hadn’t healed well after having been infected so badly and thick, stiff ridges surrounded the entry wound. I thought it looked like an asshole. Negan said it looked like the sun. Probably depended how you wanted to look at it…</p><p> </p><p>I was half asleep when Negan came into the room. They usually sat till late into the night at those meetings, now that we had electricity – Solar power be blessed!</p><p>He crawled under the blanket and reached for me in the dark.</p><p>I moved against him.</p><p>If he was surprised, he didn’t show it.</p><p>Being with him had always meant safety for me, yet, over the past months I had drawn back from him physically as well as emotionally.</p><p>Today, after the talk we’d had, something felt different. I wanted to be close. I wanted to feel him against me. His warmth, his scent… Knowing how he’d felt made me feel like shit for having cut him off.</p><p>I turned so I faced him and pressed a soft kiss against his lips.</p><p>He put his hand to my cheek and gently caressed my face, pushing my hair behind my ear. We lay like that for a while, looking into each other’s eyes in the darkness.</p><p>“I missed you,” I finally whispered.</p><p>“Me too,” Negan replied. He let his hand move downwards from my face over my arm and found my hand under the blanket, interlocking his fingers with me.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t there for you…”</p><p>Negan shook his head. He pulled my hand up towards his mouth and kissed my knuckles. “Not your fault.”</p><p>“I… You know I still love you, right? I mean… I don’t think I said it in a while…”</p><p>He laughed softly. “Yea, I figured you’d have told me if you’d changed your mind.”</p><p>I laughed as well.</p><p>“I missed hearing you laugh,” he said. “Seeing you like that… all broken was bad enough, but… when I realized I hadn’t heard you laugh in a month…” He kissed me again and carefully wiped at the tear that trailed down my nose.</p><p>I opened my mouth, but he stopped me. “Don’t you dare apologize.”</p><p>“I… wasn’t about to…” I lied.</p><p>“Good.” He pulled me against him, so my face came to rest against his throat and wrapped both his arms around me.</p><p>I sighed softly and let my arms wander around him as well. He was so warm. He smelled so good. He was so fucking perfect in every way! And I hadn’t been there for him in his darkest hours… Suddenly I couldn’t wait to get ahold of those frat kids.</p><p>+++</p><p>
  <em>Dark looming shapes. Too many hands. Icy water. I couldn’t move. My arms and legs limp like dead. I wanted to slap away the hands, but I couldn’t. My body wasn’t my own. </em>
</p><p>Punctual like fucking clockwork.</p><p>I knew the dream would come again each time I went to bed and still, I always hoped tonight would be the night it wouldn’t come. That feeling of being powerless…</p><p>Negan’s arms were still around me, holding me, even though he was fast asleep. He was there. Protecting me. But I needed to protect myself.</p><p>Carefully, I wormed my way out of his embrace. I couldn’t go back to sleep now. It would be time to get up soon anyways.</p><p>+++</p><p>I hadn’t wanted to wear weapons for a while, but yesterday… if I hadn’t had a knife with me, I would probably have died. I threaded the sheath of my knife onto my belt in the darkness of our bedroom before I went into the kitchen.</p><p>In the twilight of the rising sun, I took out the knife and cleaned it before putting it to the grinding stone back outside. If I wanted to get back to normal, I had to work on it. Actively.</p><p>I had tried waiting for it to happen by itself for long enough and it hadn’t helped one bit. Now it was time to change my approach.</p><p>It was decided now, that I would go with Negan and his men to the frat house next week. I had to get my strength up. I had to get back the feeling for my weapon and I had to get back my hard won confidence.</p><p> </p><p>But first: coffee!</p><p>We had found a huge ass professional coffee machine and I set it up, just like every morning. I loved that little bit of normalcy.</p><p>The first ones up in the other houses would soon come get their fills, but the first cup…</p><p>I moved back into our bedroom and put the cup to the bedside table. Negan was still sleeping, on his side, facing the wall. The blanket was down around his waist. He was fucking perfect!</p><p>I crawled into bed behind him and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his neck. “Good morning,” I whispered.</p><p>He stirred and twisted his neck. “Morning,” he muttered, his voice deep with sleep. He rolled over within my arms and kissed me. “How do I deserve this pleasure?”</p><p>I shrugged. “I just… felt like it…”</p><p>“I hope you’ll feel like it more often in the near future…”</p><p>“Yea, me too…” I let a finger move over his chest, down over his side, along the waistband of his boxers.</p><p>He closed his eyes and took a deep inhale, enjoying my caresses.</p><p>“Coffee’s ready,” I muttered.</p><p>“Fuck coffee! I’d rather have more of you…” He rolled to his back and put his arms up behind his head.</p><p>I crawled on top of him and kissed him deeply.</p><p>He let his arms wander around my back and downwards, to cup my ass, then back upwards again over my sides. “Fuck, you’re so gorgeous,” he whispered, making me sit up on top of him. His erection pressed against me from underneath. “I missed you so bad…”</p><p>I swallowed.</p><p>No, it was okay… nothing bad was going to happen… Everything was okay. I could leave at a second’s notice!</p><p>“Shit, I…” Negan muttered, taking his hands away from me.</p><p>“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’m… I’m good.” I willed my heartbeat to slow down again. Climbing off of him, I came to rest next to him. There, that was better.</p><p>He put his arms around me and kissed me gently. He still smelled of sleepiness and warmth and security. I was good as long as I was with him.</p><p>I pushed him backwards so he came to lie on his back again with me on my side, next to him and slowly let my hand wander down towards his boxers… and into them.</p><p>Negan gave a long drawn sigh.</p><p>I hadn’t touched him in so long… Closing my eyes, I wrapped my fingers around him, hard and pulsating in my hand. Holding him like that felt so good, so right! There was nothing to be afraid of! I was in control!</p><p>Negan put his hand on top of mine with the fabric of his boxers in between. “You don’t have to do this,” he whispered.</p><p>“I know… but I want to!” I gave him a reassuring squeeze and his hand slid off of mine.</p><p>“Well if you’re sure, I won’t stand in your way,” he said, closing his eyes and licking his lips.</p><p>I kissed his chest and kept hold of him, caressing him, working him with my hand.</p><p>He reached over and cupped one of my breasts, squeezing it gently and pulling down the strap of my bra and tank top. Half sitting up, he applied his mouth to my chest, kissing and biting and licking and sucking.</p><p>I whimpered and took a tighter hold of him.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take him long to finish under the circumstances.</p><p>He lay on the bed, breathing heavily, holding me against him with one weak arm. “That was one damn good handjob,” he whispered against the top of my head.</p><p>I snorted.</p><p>“Makes me almost want to say thank you…”</p><p>“You’re very welcome,” I whispered, kissing his chest once more before sitting up.</p><p>“I’ll repay the favor any time you like… just say the word…”</p><p>“I’ll keep that in mind…” I chuckled. “Drink your coffee… I gotta get back to work…”</p><p>He shook his head and grabbed hold of my hand. “Come back to bed! Have your minions take over today…” Pulling my hand against his mouth, he pressed a kiss to my palm.</p><p>“Stop calling them my minions!” I teased, but let him pull me into bed once again.</p><p>“What would you have me call them then?” he whispered, hugging me from behind and nuzzling his face against my neck, making very male noises low in his throat.</p><p>“I… don’t know…” I closed my eyes. His hands slowly wandered up and down my body, carefully, gently.</p><p>“Marry me,” he whispered.</p><p>I stiffened. “What?”</p><p>“I want you to be my wife.”</p><p>I rolled over so I could see his face. “Umm… okay?”</p><p>He raised his eyebrow. “A little more enthusiasm maybe?”</p><p>That made me laugh. “Yes, I’d very much like to be your wife! I just… with everything going on, I didn’t think…”</p><p>He put a finger to my lips to shush me. “You said yes. That’s all I wanted to hear.” He pushed me over so I was on my back and kissed me.</p><p>I pushed him away just far enough so I could speak, but he kept on kissing my neck and breasts and clavicles. “Don’t I get a ring?”</p><p>He stopped at that and grinned at me. “We’re not even married yet and you’re already starting to make demands? Maybe I should think that whole thing over again.”</p><p>I shook my head, grinning broadly. “No takebacks! I’m yours now!”</p><p>“Mine… I like that…” he whispered, letting his eager hands move over my stomach. He traced the waistband of my pants, clearly asking for permission before he did anything more.</p><p>Was I ready to give him that permission?</p><p>I realized I was and slowly reached down to unbutton my jeans… when the door was pushed open.</p><p>“They’ve taken Cara and her boy Jimmy!” Simon called out.</p><p>“What the fuck!” Negan said, half sitting up under me. “Don’t you fucking know how to knock?”</p><p>I rolled off of him and pulled the blanket up to my neck, looking at Simon.</p><p>“Who has taken whom?” Negan continued before Simon could answer his question. He got up and grabbed the shirt he had taken off yesterday evening, seemingly unbothered about his erection flying at half-mast and Simon in the room.</p><p>Simon turned his back as Negan got dressed but kept on talking.</p><p>“Cara and Jimmy,” he repeated. “That mother and child in 05 across the street.”</p><p>“I know where the fuck 05 is,” Negan barked, buckling his pants. “Who has taken them?” He grabbed the lukewarm coffee from the nightstand and downed it in one long swig, then gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and left the room with Simon.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Adventures in Scouting or: the longest Day in the History of Mankind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>With a family having been abducted, Negan decides to attack their friendly neighbors sooner than originally planned. <br/>Alana goes to scout.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As it turned out, Cara and little Jimmy had been taken by some guys wearing suspicious red college jackets. I got why they would take a woman, but why take her young son along with her?</p><p>“We’re going over there tonight,” Negan decided.</p><p>He had moved breakfast outside and gathered the war council around our kitchen table instead. This had priority.</p><p>One of the military guys shook his head. His name was Tom or Tim or something similar. “This changes everything! We can’t just go in there and set the place on fire! They got two of our people!”</p><p>“We know the most probable spot they’ll be keeping them,” Mona chipped in. “I’ll go there later today to make sure… their cell was empty yesterday afternoon… We’ll notice if they got anyone down there.”</p><p>“I… ll go with you,” I said to Mona.</p><p>I didn’t know if I’d be any help, but it would give me more time to get accustomed to the idea of being in THAT town again… where the worst moments of my life had happened… the moments that had almost destroyed me.</p><p>I tried making out Negan’s expression from the corner of my eyes as Mona nodded before me, but his face remained impassive. “We’ll leave in 20,” Mona said, making to get up.</p><p>+++</p><p>Negan didn’t have anything to say about me going with Mona.</p><p>He just made sure my knife was secure in its sheath and handed me a pistol before I got into the car with her. “Take care,” he whispered, kissing me, hard and demanding, making a show for everyone who cared to look.</p><p>It made me wonder who he had slept with. Were they outside? Waiting for me to leave so they could…</p><p>No. I couldn’t go there. Not now. I had to stay focused. Negan had said none of them had mattered and I believed him. Cara and Jimmy were what counted now.</p><p>We had to check if they were imprisoned and what they were doing to them… If we could, we’d get them out. If we couldn’t, we’d wait for Negan and the other soldiers arriving in the evening. But we would save them! No one would ever again be mistreated by those assholes…</p><p>In only a few short hours, it was game over for them.</p><p>Mona was driving in silence, focused on the road before us.</p><p>“How many women do you think…” I started, but couldn’t finish the thought.</p><p>“Too many…” Mona said, stepping on the gas harder.</p><p> </p><p>A couple minutes before we’d reach the city limits, she pulled the car to a halt.</p><p> </p><p>We got out and continued on foot, Mona had a pistol in her belt and a pair of binoculars around her neck. I had both of those plus my knife. If anyone spotted us, we would be fucked. But Mona was a pro at this. She had been doing this for a while and never had been spotted. We were good.</p><p>“C’mon over here, I know a good spot up there…” Mona said, motioning me towards the right.</p><p>The rolling hills were densely overgrown with grass, high as my hips in some areas, which made getting to Mona’s spot undetected easy. We lay down on our stomachs and took up our binoculars.</p><p>There it was. The house that had fucked me up so badly. Big and white and looking like it thought itself better than the houses left and right. We were looking at it from the back side. The garden had been snowed in last time I’d been here, the trees naked and leafless, but it was definitely the right house.</p><p>A shiver went all the way through my spine at the sight.</p><p>“They took over the house to their left as well,” Mona whispered.</p><p>I adjusted my position. Yes, there was movement there too.</p><p>A shudder moved through me as I let my binoculars wander towards the entrance of the cellar. The memory of waking up in there, naked and in pain, humiliated beyond repair, of seeing Negan broken and battered…</p><p>I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. I wasn’t in there now. And I would never be back there either. I’d rather kill myself than go through this one more time.</p><p>The door to the cellar was locked with what looked like a bike lock. That alone didn’t have anything to say though. We had to wait till they entered it. Would they take food downstairs? If they were holding our people in there, had they hurt them already? Or worse? I didn’t know Jimmy’s exact age, but he couldn’t be older than twelve.</p><p>What did they even want with him?</p><p>“First floor,” Mona whispered. “Is that them?”</p><p>I moved my binoculars upwards. There was movement behind one of the windows. More than one person.</p><p>“I’m not sure…” We were too far away to hear anything, but it looked as if the people behind the window were fighting. The Bathroom window was on the left side of the house. They were on the right side. What was in there? I turned the focusing knob but only got a blurry image instead of seeing what was going on inside.</p><p>A shriek, loud enough to make it even to our spot.</p><p>What were they doing? Fuck!</p><p>I was half on my feet before Mona grabbed my arm. “There’s too many of them. You won’t be able to do anything but get yourself killed.”</p><p>Shit, she was right, but… “We can’t just keep watching! What if they kill them?”</p><p>“Then we’ll know, at least!”</p><p>I got down to the ground again.</p><p> </p><p>Waiting and watching, motionlessly, was pure agony. Negan and the other soldiers would meet us at our car at nightfall which was hours away.</p><p>Mona, better accustomed to the feeling of absolute helplessness that had crept into me upon realizing all we would be doing all day was just watch and not actually DO anything, kept her eyes on the house almost all afternoon.</p><p>I couldn’t take it even half as long. They had someone in there. Whether it was Cara and Jimmy or someone else didn’t matter. These frat boys tortured for the sake of torturing. Seeing it from afar didn’t make things any better.</p><p>I had moved a little way away from Mona and from the house, sitting under a tree, eyes closed, when I heard something. Someone. More than one someone.</p><p>Staying low to the ground I looked around the tree to find two guards.</p><p>Without even thinking, my hand wandered to my knife. Had they seen me already? Or worse, had they seen Mona? I doubted she was even aware they were close.</p><p>Should I just hide and let them pass? Or should I try to take them out? There were two of them and only one of me and I would have to take them out silently. And if they were expected back… I had to hide.</p><p>Where? The grass around my tree was lower than everywhere around, as grass tended to be. My tree wasn’t that broad. And they were coming ever closer. Soon they would see me.</p><p>Mona moved.</p><p>They turned towards her, crouching low.</p><p>I sprinted in the other direction. There were more shrubs and trees I could hide behind… but… they were moving in on Mona. I couldn’t just let them get to her!</p><p>Their backs were turned towards me…</p><p>Staying low to the ground, I sneaked towards them, fast and silent as I could. Wind rustling through the leaves and grass thankfully drowned out most of my noise and I came up to them just as one called out to Mona.</p><p>“You there!”</p><p>Mona rolled over and I used the fact they were both focused on her and grabbed the one closest to me on the shoulder and slit his throat. Blood sprayed from the wound, covering Mona and his friend in red as he slowly turned towards me, mouth gaping like a fish on land.</p><p>The other guard and Mona took a couple seconds to collect themselves, both staring at the dying guy as I let go of him and moved towards the other guard.</p><p>Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. The body dropping first to its knees, then to the ground, the second guy aiming his rifle.</p><p>I crouched low and moved in on him, trying to reach his hands. I wouldn’t get shot again. Once had been more than enough.</p><p>The guard’s trigger finger moved and Mona kicked at his knee from behind. He fell and his finger squeezed the trigger. The shot went over my head, but that one shot would was enough. Everyone down in the house would have heard.</p><p>I moved closer and stabbed him in the chest, hitting something hard with my knife. Bone? Cartilage? It didn’t matter. He was bleeding. A lot.</p><p>But he had alarmed everyone with his idiotic shooting in the air.</p><p>Mona got up and grabbed me by the elbow. We ran towards the small copse that started a little further away from the house, even though it would be obvious for everyone we would be hiding there. Shit shit shit! Why couldn’t I have been just a little faster?</p><p>I turned around to check on the guards once again. The first one was dead. He would turn soon. The second one wasn’t dead yet, but he couldn’t get to his feet either. Should I go back and take care of him or would the other one… he still had his gun… and he was pointing it at us. Shit.</p><p>“Run!” I called towards Mona, pushing her on.</p><p>A shot was fired behind us. Fuck.</p><p>“Are you hit?” I panted. Please don’t be! I didn’t want to have to stitch her up.</p><p>“No, you?”</p><p>We had made it towards the copse and dropped to the ground when another two shots rang out. They weren’t directed at us this time though.</p><p>My first victim must have turned.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>“Is there anywhere we can hide?” I whispered.</p><p>Mona shook her head. “I don’t know… we don’t usually move so far away from the house.”</p><p>We had to keep moving. Someone from the house was probably already out and moving towards us. Probably more than one. Maybe we had bought their prisoners some more time. I hoped it wouldn’t cost us our lives in exchange.</p><p> </p><p>The copse was smaller than expected. This wasn’t good. I looked left, right, upwards… My heart was racing.</p><p>“Let’s head back to the car, come on!” Mona panted, running off in one direction.</p><p>I followed her. Was going back a good idea? They knew we were here now. They’d be out looking for us. Shit!</p><p>I heard voices behind us. They didn’t sound happy.</p><p>We’d never make it to the car.</p><p>Should we split up?</p><p>Could we hide in the high grass?</p><p>How long till the others would arrive?</p><p>There were too many variables to consider.</p><p>“Let’s split up!” Mona changed her mind.</p><p>I looked at her for a second and nodded.</p><p>We were aware we might never see each other alive again.</p><p>+++</p><p>The sun was slowly moving westwards. How much longer till it got dark?</p><p>I lay in a ditch in the middle of a small group of shrubs, motionless, half buried in dry leaves. Something hard was poking my back, I was thirsty and I needed to pee but I didn’t dare move. There was a spider slowly building its net above me.</p><p>The voices had moved away from me, but there were still too many noises close by. If they heard me, they’d have me. I had no way out.</p><p>Half buried in the leaves on the ground close to me was a walker, staring at me from dead, empty eyes. It stretched its hands towards me and its maw opened and closed, greedily snapping for me. Something, whatever it was, was holding it back. If anyone came close to kill it, they would see me. If I killed it and it stopped making noise, they might notice as well.</p><p>I had no idea where Mona was. Had she made it out alive? There had been no more gunshots, but that didn’t mean anything.</p><p>Somewhere in the distance I heard the engine of a car. One of ours? Or one of theirs?</p><p>Shit, I really needed to pee!</p><p>This must be the longest day in the history of mankind.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Big Fight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The fight everyone has been waiting for.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sky had taken on a pinkish tint, slowly turning to a dark purple in the east. It had been a while since I had heard footsteps close to me. My new walker-friend was still trying to reach me, groaning like it was my fault we were stuck here together.</p><p>“Shut the fuck up!” I hissed, slapping away the hand that seemed to move ever closer. It had tried stretching towards me all day. Maybe whatever was holding it back was slowly giving way, maybe it was slowly but surely ripping off its own limbs with all its greedy stretching. I didn’t want to think about that, but I had to consider it.</p><p>Minutes, or hours passed.</p><p>Greedy fingers brushed over my sweater.</p><p>All was quiet around me. None of the bad guys were close anymore. I took my knife and stabbed the walker in the head, making it finally shut up.</p><p>Listening again, I slowly crawled out of my hideout, shaking off the leaves I had buried myself in. It was almost completely dark. I should move towards the car to catch up with the others... but first… I found a secluded spot and let nature have its way. Nothing had ever felt so relieving in my entire life.</p><p>I felt ten times lighter when I finally moved in the direction I hoped the car was.</p><p>+++</p><p>“Shit where have you been? Negan’s furious!” Simon spotted me first. He grabbed me by the arm and led me through the others towards Negan.</p><p>I shuddered. There were too many people.</p><p>Negan took me over from Simon and pulled me to the side, shielding me from the others with his back.</p><p>“Where have you been? You alright? Where’s Mona?” He took me by the shoulders and looked me up and down.</p><p>“She’s not here?”</p><p>“What happened to you?” He picked a leaf out of my hair.</p><p>“We were spotted and had to split up. Shit! I hoped she’d made it here!”</p><p>“Why are you all bloody? Micah, get over here!”</p><p>I shook my head. “It’s not my blood! Stay where you are, Micah!” <em>Don’t fucking touch me, </em>I inwardly added. “I… killed a guy… maybe two…”</p><p>Negan fought a smile but failed. “And you’re telling me like this? All casual?”</p><p>“Well…” I shrugged.</p><p>He pulled me against him for just a moment. “I’m glad you’re alright,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head.</p><p>“Yea, but where’s Mona?” I pushed out of his arms, but kept hold of his hand.</p><p>He turned around to face his men. “Mona’s missing. She might be hurt! Keep an eye out for her,” he said. “Fuckers down there will be expecting us. You better take extra care. Otherwise stick to the plan. Get in there, kill everyone who isn’t ours and then set that shit on fire!”</p><p>Everyone nodded their agreements and people started walking off towards their positions.</p><p>I was to stay with Negan and go into the house through the back door. Definitely not the highest risk entrance, but definitely the hardest one for me.</p><p>“You have enough bullets?” Negan asked before we started moving.</p><p>I nodded. “Didn’t fire a single shot.”</p><p>“My warrior queen,” he whispered, kissing me once again before we followed the others.</p><p> </p><p>Full dark had fallen and rendered our soldiers almost invisible. Only the rustle of the leaves and gravel under heavy shoes betrayed there was a large group of people moving.</p><p>Negan and I were a little way behind everyone else. We split off from the soldiers moving towards the front of the house and remained in the shadows the neighboring houses provided for as long as possible.</p><p>I felt safe next to him. He had my back. I had his. We’d both rather die than get captured.</p><p>To our left, two enemy guards making their rounds around the perimeter appeared. They were talking amongst them in low voices.</p><p>Negan and I moved towards them without a word.</p><p>“They’re probably hiding somewhere, shitting their lacy little panties,” the one to the right laughed. He was a little taller than the other.</p><p>“Never send a woman to do a man’s job is what I say!” the other answered.</p><p>“We should have gotten them... just imagine…”</p><p>“Yea, that one we got in the cellar is so…”</p><p>He never got to finish the sentence. Negan took out the tall one, I took the short one, simply because that’s what made sense.</p><p>That made at least four of them injured or dead.</p><p>“You alright?” Negan asked.</p><p>I nodded and pulled my bloody knife out of the short guard’s neck, wiping it on his clothes before I moved on towards the house. Negan followed me.</p><p>The back door was right next to the cellar. Two of our people were working on the bike lock that held the doors closed.</p><p>We didn’t wait around for them.</p><p>They’d check the cellar and take whoever they found to safety. If they found no one they’d come into the house as well.</p><p>The back door was unlocked. Stepping through brought up all kinds of memories. Last time I had walked up those stairs, I had been lightheaded with bloodloss, handcuffed, scared.</p><p>This time around, I was scared too, but neither lightheaded nor injured. I had weapons and I had Negan by my side. We would obliterate everyone living in the house and set it on fire to make sure they’d never come back. I gritted my teeth, reminding myself of our plan.</p><p>Negan pushed open the door to our left, the door to THE bathroom. He checked the inside, while I waited in the corridor, focusing on everything but the bathroom. Partly because I couldn’t bear the thought of even seeing the place I had been broken again, partly because it was my job to keep watch while Negan checked the room.</p><p>My fists were balled so hard, my fingernails dug into my flesh. My heart raced and I was ice cold, despite the warm night. But this had nothing to do with the temperature.</p><p>The bathroom was empty. Negan turned around and left the door open as a signal for the others this room had been checked.</p><p>My gaze fell on the tub, white in the twilight. I bit the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from crying out. Suppressing the images was… hard.</p><p>“Come on,” Negan whispered, putting his hand to my shoulders, bringing me back to the real world.</p><p>There were noises towards the front of the house, probably in the kitchen or living room. Should we go there? Or check the door opposite the bathroom?</p><p>Negan stuck to the plan. He opened the door.</p><p>I kept watch, wishing my hands wouldn’t shake so hard. I had to consciously pull my finger back from the trigger on my pistol. There was no one to shoot. Everything was okay.</p><p>And then it wasn’t.</p><p>Somewhere towards the front of the house noise exploded. Someone screamed.</p><p>I stepped into the room Negan had just checked as footsteps moved towards us. There was a bed in it, with handcuffs at each corner. The sheets were bloody.</p><p>I froze, looking at the bed, trying to remember…</p><p>Negan pulled the guy who’d been coming towards us into the room, holding him around the shoulders and stabbed him in the stomach.</p><p>I needed to pull myself together! Letting my mind wander wasn’t an option!</p><p>The body dropped and without a look back we moved on, again, passing the bathroom.</p><p>Fuck, this had been a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come. I should have…</p><p>Someone else was running towards us. He slowed down when he noticed us and gave a shout. “There’s more of them back here!”</p><p>He tried to turn around, but I shot him in the head without even consciously thinking about it. He dropped to the ground.</p><p>Six dead. I might be on edge, but the adrenaline made me fast.</p><p>According to Monas intel, there were about 20 or 25 people living in this building and a couple more in the other one. There were 15 of us. Not the best odds, but good enough if everyone kept on killing them just like we did.</p><p>Screaming and more gunshots came from the front part of the house.</p><p>Alright. We couldn’t keep checking room after room if there was an active fight going on. The team that had gone through the front had been four people. But who knew how many enemies had been in the living room! I had no idea whether or not our people were still alive!</p><p>To our left, an arch led into the spacious kitchen with an island in the middle. Stained plates and pots were positively everywhere. Flies buzzed up as we passed them. God, they were pigs! Who wanted to live like that?</p><p>Someone practically fell into the kitchen from another circular arch. He saw us and aimed his weapon. Negan was faster.</p><p>Seven.</p><p>So far, we had encountered neither Lonny nor Chad. I’d never forget their faces. Even thinking about them made me lust for their blood. I had never seen Zack, but Negan would recognize him. I was sure of that. He was all Negan’s!</p><p>The others knew to leave the leader for Negan and me, but Lonny and Zack…</p><p>Lonny had been the worst of my tormentors, destroying me and enjoying himself while he’d been at it. I wanted to paint the walls with his blood! I wanted to hurt him as badly as he’d hurt me!</p><p>The table in the dining room was spacious enough to sit ten people. The entire surface was covered with dirty plates and empty bottles, the chairs standing against the table or toppled over. Everyone seemed to be fighting in the living room.</p><p>Shouts and shots and clattering filled the air. And then everything went silent. Well, not entirely silent. There was movement on the floor above us. Everyone in the house would have been alerted, of course. Someone was moving in the living room as well. One of ours? Or one of theirs?</p><p>Ours.</p><p>Tom!</p><p>I locked eyes with him… and a salve from his left, our right, blast him off his feet.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>I stared at the spot Tom had been standing a second ago with wide eyes, losing myself in the horror for a moment.</p><p>Footsteps in the living room.</p><p>I ducked under the dining table. Negan pushed himself against the wall next to the living room door.</p><p>Neither of us dared making a noise.</p><p>The footsteps moved through the living room, rubble cracking under bare feet. I saw them. Well… I saw them up to their hips. They moved down to pick up something from the ground and recognition hit me hard.</p><p>Chad. He wore plaid pajama bottoms and no shirt and had obviously been asleep before we’d entered the house.</p><p>My breathing sped up. He was mine. I wanted to cut off his fucking balls and stuff them down his throat.</p><p>He moved towards the dining room. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” he sing-songed.</p><p>I moved backwards and pushed against a chair.</p><p>“Who’s under the table there?” He bent down again, looking at me sideways. “Come out, pretty girl!” he grinned.</p><p>I didn’t answer. He hadn’t recognized me, had he?</p><p>“What are you doing here all by yourself? Did we kill all of your friends? Don’t be scared! I’ll make it slow and painful… and then I’ll cut your throat.” He didn’t stop moving while he talked, walking through the living room, stepping over dead bodies, seemingly undisturbed. Just a few more steps and Negan would have him. I moved some more, keeping his attention on me.</p><p>He pointed his rifle.</p><p>Shit. If he’d shoot me before crossing into the dining room… “Please don’t hurt me,” I whimpered, raising my hands under the table.</p><p>“You’ll have to come out then!”</p><p>I moved backwards, to the edge of the table.</p><p>Come on, just one more fucking step!</p><p>Negan was poised and ready to strike.</p><p>Chad took one more step… and Negan grabbed him… and groaned as Chad rammed a knife into his thigh.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>I should have noticed he was carrying a weapon! I should have warned Negan!</p><p>Negan, teeth gritted, reached up to grab Chad’s head, gave it a jerk that broke his neck and let go so Chad’s body dropped to the ground with a heavy thump, eyes wide open.</p><p>Panting, Negan leaned back against the wall, holding his thigh.</p><p>I ran to him and resisted my first instinct to pull out the knife. It was what kept the wound clogged. It had to stay where it was! And I… should have stayed where I was too.</p><p>Another set of footsteps came closer.</p><p>It was too late to hide. Lonny’s face appeared in the twilit living room.</p><p>My heart skipped a beat. I reached for my knife with shaking hands and… dropped it. NO FUCKING WAY!!!</p><p>Lonny came closer. Recognition hit his face. “Back for more… I want to say… Ilona?”</p><p>I took a step backwards.</p><p>“Well, we can always arrange for that!”</p><p>He reached for his belt and I moved sideways along the table, half stumbling over one of the chairs, away from him. He grabbed my wrist and jerked me to a halt.</p><p>“Pretty little thing you got there,” he muttered, pulling my pistol out of my belt and sliding it away over the table.</p><p>I had completely forgotten I still had it.</p><p>The expression ‘frozen with fear’ had never made any sense to me. Until now. I wanted to get away from him, but I couldn’t. My legs felt like lead. My arms and face felt numb.</p><p>“Fuck, I missed you,” he said, moving against me, “haven’t had a lay as willing as you in a while…”</p><p>He moved closer as if to kiss me. He jerked and his face went slack. He dropped over sideways, groaning.</p><p>Negan stood behind him, knife in hand.</p><p>My knees wanted to give out under me.</p><p>“Come on, we need to get out of here,” Negan panted, limping towards me, using the backs of the chairs as crutches.</p><p>I took a couple much too quick breaths and nodded, looking down at Lonny by my feet. He was dead. Really, fully dead.</p><p>“I know you’re scared but you can’t faze out on me now. We need to get outta here,” Negan repeated.</p><p>“Sorry, I just…” I willed my knees to steady and gave Lonny a kick in the ribs. And another for good measure! He had died much too quickly!</p><p>“I need to go see fucking Micah… and quick,” Negan said.</p><p>I nodded and pulled his arm around my shoulders. “What about Zack?” I said, hesitating.</p><p>“Forget about the asshole,” Negan said. “I trust our people. Someone will get him. Shit, this hurts…” He groaned as I pushed him before me through the back door.</p><p> </p><p>We left the way we’d come just with a little more cursing from Negan than before. It couldn’t be pleasant, limping with a blade sticking out from his thigh. I could barely bear looking at it.</p><p>Shouts and shots were coming from the house with no way to tell whether it was our people or our enemies. In that moment I didn’t care. All I cared about was getting Negan to Micah so he could patch him up. If anything were to happen to him…</p><p> </p><p>Micah was sitting on the roof of one of the cars but jumped down and ran towards us the moment he saw us approach. He might be a fucking asshole, but he seemed to be growing into a real doctor.</p><p>“What happened?” he asked, taking over being Negan’s crutch.</p><p>“What does it look like?” I hissed.</p><p>“I’m just asking! No need to act all bitchy!” Micah hissed back.</p><p>Negan only groaned as Micah sat him down on the bed of one of the pickups.</p><p>Micah turned on the search light so he could see Negan in the darkness.</p><p>“Keep watch,” he ordered, looking at me.</p><p>I nodded and climbed up on the truck as well, stepping close to Negan. I crouched down and held his hand while Micah enlargened the cut in his pants. Always with the cutting… As if he hadn’t yet realized how rare clothes had become!</p><p>No.</p><p>Micah was helping us.</p><p>I couldn’t keep on being salty towards him. Not now. He was stitching up Negan.</p><p>The sound of fighting came from the house. There were a lot of gunshots. Why was this taking so long? We should be on our way back home by now with the house going up in flames.</p><p>“You want me to give you an anesthetic?” I heard Micah say.</p><p>“Save it for someone who needs it,” Negan grunted.</p><p>“Alana! Put your hands here!” Micah ordered.</p><p>I put my hands where Micah indicated, pressing on Negan’s thigh just above the cut to slow the bloodflow while at the same time trying to keep an eye on our surroundings.</p><p>Negan gripped my arm as Micah pulled out the knife, his fingers deeply digging into my flesh.</p><p>Blood welled up over my hands the second Micah moved the knife.</p><p>I winced.</p><p>“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Micah muttered. “It’s not the main artery or he’d be dead already.”</p><p>Negan groaned as Micah cleaned the wound and started stitching him up.</p><p>I put my free arm around his head and hugged him against my chest.</p><p>He pressed his face in between my breasts and his grip on my arm tightened again and again, each time Micah pushed the needle through his skin.</p><p>“Shh…” I muttered, kissing the top of his head. Then I froze. “Someone’s coming!”</p><p>I freed myself from Negan’s hold and pointed the searchlight towards the newcomer… or newcomers, more like.</p><p>Simon was running towards us, carrying Jimmy. Next to him was Mona, limping badly. Where was Cara?</p><p>Simon placed Jimmy on the hood of the car closest to us. I jumped off the truck to hug Mona. “What happened?” I asked.</p><p>“I found him alone and confused in the forest… we were hiding all day…” Mona said.</p><p>“What are you doing up here?” Simon asked.</p><p>“What does it look like?” Negan barked.</p><p>I went back to him again, holding his hand.</p><p>“We lost a couple people,” Simon said, ignoring Negan’s remark. “But those assholes lost all of theirs. We just lit the bonfire.”</p><p>He motioned backwards over his shoulder where more of our people were running, illuminated by the rapidly growing fire from behind. Four dark shapes came towards us.</p><p>All but on were limping or half carrying injured friends. We had been 15 to start with, including Mona and myself. Now, we were nine plus little Jimmy. And no Cora. They had found her in the cellar, dead. We had almost lost half of our soldiers in exchange for a little boy’s life, but not his mother’s.</p><p>I sighed, as I sat down on the truck bed, next to Negan.</p><p>Had this been worth it? Adding so much death to this already dying world…</p><p>But we had killed Chad and Lonny and all of their fucked up friends.</p><p>It had been fucking worth it. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Fight and a Promise kept (and smut)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>People don't like having their friends and family killed in random attacks on other communities. <br/>Negan has to step up his game. <br/>Also: after bettering himself for a while, Micah is back to being Micah. <br/>Negan doesn't stand for it. <br/>Also: SMUT</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I initially had one more scene in this chapter than it is now... but I decided to cut it out as it didn't really add anything to the story... but since I had already written and edited it, I decided to put it in the end-notes...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Micah, getting more and more confident in his role as our community’s doctor, prescribed Negan crutches to walk with. Negan used them, grudgingly</p><p>“Makes me feel like an old man,” he muttered, moving through the house early the next morning.</p><p>“But we all know you’re young and vital as ever… I know that especially,” I said, getting up on tiptoe and kissing the corner of his mouth.</p><p>That made him smile. “Well… good… You’re the only one that matters anyways…”</p><p>News of us having lost six men had made it through town like a wildfire. The consequences Negan took from the whole endeavor and the plans he had made over night hadn’t.</p><p>The dead soldiers had had families and friends, some of which considered the attack on the frat boys an unnecessary personal vendetta. A few people had gathered before our house, not seeming overly happy.</p><p>Negan stepped out onto the porch of our house so he towered over the crowd like their king. He wore a plain white t-shirt and gray pants that sat low on his hips. His pistol hung in its holster, where it belonged.</p><p>He had insisted I dress up as well, because we had a show to put on, so I wore a black tank top and black jeans and had my knife and pistol in my belt just like him. My hair was up in a ponytail. I felt I didn’t look half as dangerous as he did, but Negan seemed satisfied.</p><p>“Morning,” he addressed his people, leaning the crutches against the banister and putting his hands on the wood instead. I took my place to his left, half a step behind him. Simon stood to our right. “You’ve probably all heard the news by now. We lost six of ours in the raid yesterday,” Negan said. “Six brave, strong men and women.”</p><p>The crowd didn’t seem pleased. Some people were shouting and I was half sure they’d throw tomatoes at us in a moment.</p><p>Negan raised his voice to drown them out. “They chose to be soldiers and they gave their life performing just what they signed up for, protecting this community, protecting you. We got the kid home safe and sound.”</p><p>A murmur went through the crowd.</p><p>“His mother, Cara, had no such luck. Monsters fucking killed her. There was nothing we could have done.” He paused for dramatic effect, taking a deep breath before raising his voice to an almost shout. “Nothing like this is ever going to fucking happen again! Starting today, we’ll become more careful, more vicious. We’ll find more fitting accommodations. A single building, big enough for all of us, fenced in, so our weaker members can live and work in peace!” He emphasized that word. “Without fear of getting eaten by walkers or abducted by some asshole from the next town over! If any of you knows of such a building, come forward! Your proposal fits our needs: you’ll be rewarded.” Again, he paused to let what he had said settle in. “We had to leave the bodies of our soldiers, but be sure they died as fucking heroes, each and every single one of them. I would have died too, if it wasn’t for Alana.”</p><p>I blushed.</p><p>“She saved my ass and killed the fuckers that thought they could destroy us, months ago, when all of this shit had only just started. But they couldn’t. Because we’re fucking strong. Because SHE is fucking strong! Like every single one of you! We’re the ones that will win this apocalypse in the long run! Not just survive, but fucking thrive! Because we have discipline and strength and soldiers willing to put down their damn lives in order to protect this community! They will be remembered as the fucking heroes they are, giving their lives for the Saviors!”</p><p>Everyone cheered.</p><p>He stood and looked down at his people a little longer before taking his crutches back up and turning around. “Is there any coffee?” he asked, seeming tired.</p><p>His wound had bled through the patch on his leg over-night. Not much, but enough, obviously. He hadn’t had a lot of sleep and he’d been injured, yet, he was showing the people the leader they wanted to see, made sure they felt save despite the losses we had suffered…</p><p>I wondered how long it would take us to find that new place he had talked of. Having all of our people closer together seemed sensible. There were a few children with us now, not many, but we needed to protect them. Not everyone would want to see them grow up healthy and secure.</p><p>+++</p><p>The gardens were in full bloom. Everything was a sea of green and leaves and looked healthy and lush. We would bring in a good harvest in fall if we kept up the work. Which meant protecting our crops at any cost.</p><p>The storm had come out of nowhere. In the morning, the weather had been fine as fine could be, with no more than a few fluffy clouds hanging in the sky. By afternoon, the world looked a little different.</p><p>Heavy wind had brought dark, thick clouds with it. The air was incredibly humid and it was crazy hot. We had found tarps to pull over the most delicate plants and secured them with rocks around the edges. Still, I was standing by the back door, looking out at my hard work’s yield anxiously.</p><p>The first heavy raindrops splattered down on the tarp and the uncovered leaves and everything seemed to do just fine.</p><p>“Come inside, sit down. You deserve some rest,” Negan said, stepping behind me, putting his arms around my waist.</p><p>“In a minute,” I muttered, pulling free of his grasp and stepping outside to put a couple more rocks on the tarp.</p><p>The raindrops were warm on my skin.</p><p>Negan watched me for a moment longer and then stepped back inside, leaving the door open.</p><p>I looked over my work and out of the corner of the eye noticed one of the tarps on the garden behind 02 had come loose.</p><p>Shielding my face from the rain with my arms I jogged over and pulled the tarp down again, replacing the rocks.</p><p>Another gust of wind bent the beanstalks on their jackrods and blew raindrops into my face… no. Not raindrops.</p><p>A second later, hail was coming down around me, hitting me in the head, the face, the shoulders. Oww!</p><p>Pulling up my shoulders, I ran towards 02 and opened the back door, stepping inside, just far enough so I was shielded from the worst of the weather.</p><p>The hailstones had started out small, but bigger ones, about the size of marbles, were coming down now, ripping through the tarps as I watched.</p><p>They would destroy everything we had grown! No!</p><p>“What are you whining about?” Someone behind me said. I could hardly hear him over the sound of hail coming all around the house.</p><p>Most everyone was in 04 on the opposite side of the street, celebrating Jimmy’s return and our victory over who Negan had declared our enemy number one. Negan and I had chosen to stay home, since no one would be comfortable with us around. Micah seemed to have chosen to stay home as well.</p><p>He had an open bottle of wine in his hand.</p><p>Great. He was an even bigger asshole when he was drinking.</p><p>He put his arm around me and pretended to look outside, where I was looking for a second before he turned towards me, breathing wine-breath at me.</p><p>“The crops,” I muttered, carefully stepping out from under his arm.</p><p>“What are you pushing me away for? I thought you’d come to visit me,” he slurred, pulling me against him again.</p><p>“Yea, not gonna happen.” I stepped out of his embrace once more and took a step towards the door.</p><p>“Oh come oooon! I miss you! I’m all alone here!” He grabbed me from behind, pulling me against him with both arms.</p><p>“Let go,” I hissed, digging at his hands around my waist.</p><p>“But I miss you!” He pulled me even closer and rubbed himself against me, his hands wandering upwards on my body.</p><p>I didn’t know where I got the strength to remain calm, but I didn’t feel the least bit afraid when I spoke. I was stronger than him. “Micah, I’m going to say this exactly one time: Let me go or you’ll regret it!”</p><p>“How are you going to make me regret it?” He turned me around within his arms, moving in for a kiss.</p><p>I bent backwards, as far away from him as possible.</p><p>“You’re not as pretty as you used to be, with your nose all fucked up, but you still…”</p><p>I stomped on his toes.</p><p>“Aaah… fuck!” he whined. “What did you do that for?”</p><p>“Don’t you dare touch me ever again!” I hissed and made to walk out the door, hail or not, I wouldn’t stay with him.</p><p>He grabbed my wrist.</p><p>I turned towards him again and used the momentum of my turn to punch him in the face.</p><p>That seemed to get through to him. Wonder of wonders.</p><p>“What the fuck?” he muttered, taking a step backwards, holding his face where I’d hit him.</p><p>I didn’t deign him with an answer and ran out of the house, shielding my head with my arms.</p><p> </p><p>Negan was sitting on the sofa, reading. He looked up when I came in, then at the window, frowning.</p><p>“Why are you bleeding?” he asked, putting the book on the table, face down.</p><p>I looked at my knuckles. “Not my blood,” I muttered, wiping my hand on my wet shirt. I felt like I was saying that to him a lot.</p><p>He got up and limped towards me. “What happened?”</p><p>“Micah happened,” I groaned, shaking out my hand. Punching someone in the face hurt more than I’d expected.</p><p>“What’d the fucker do to you?”</p><p>“Nothing… but he tried…” I cleared my throat. “Apparently he’s still in love with me… or he’s just drunk. Who knows with the asshole!”</p><p>“Did he touch you?”</p><p>“He tried to,” I shrugged.</p><p>“I’m going to fucking kill him!” Negan growled. He took his pistol from his belt, made sure it was loaded, and marched out into the hail, using Lucille as a crutch.</p><p>I looked after him. He wouldn’t really… Would he? The hail was so thick, the lawn was white with hailstones. I didn’t want to go outside again, but…</p><p>Negan vanished through the back door of 02.</p><p>A gunshot.</p><p>And another.</p><p>My eyes went wide. Had he…</p><p>Without thinking, I ran outside, but Negan was already coming out of 02 again. I met him in the middle of the lawn and he pushed me back towards our house.</p><p>“Did you…?” I asked, the moment we stepped inside.</p><p>“He won’t ever touch you again.”</p><p>My eyes went wide. “What did you do?”</p><p>“Shot him in the fucking dick,” Negan growled.</p><p>“Are you serious?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“But…”</p><p>He shook his head. “Remember that promise I made you when he first joined us?”</p><p>I nodded. “He’s never going to touch me…” I slowly said.</p><p>Negan nodded. “I gave him one chance. And he fucked it up.”</p><p>+++</p><p>I was in our bedroom, getting ready to go to sleep.</p><p>The day had been long and exhausting. Negan was still out and about somewhere. He didn’t need as much sleep as I did. Or at least he didn’t care for it as much.</p><p>I crawled under the sheet, wearing only my panties. We had taken out the windows so we had some air in our bedroom, but the planks before the windows didn’t allow for much, even though it was still raining outside.</p><p>Negan came into the room half an hour later. He sat down on the bed with a sigh and pulled his shirt over his head. He seemed incredibly tired.</p><p>Being a leader must be exhausting. Having to discipline people… mercilessly, come rain or shine…</p><p>The bed dipped with Negan laying down next to me, stretching out, his back towards me.</p><p>I moved against him, wrapping myself around him from behind, kissing his neck.</p><p>He didn’t react.</p><p>I pressed myself against him tighter, worming my hand under his neck and putting my leg over his hips, so I could be closer to him. “Have I lately told you how proud I am of you?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“What can I do to make up for it?” I whispered, letting my hands move over his naked chest.</p><p>He caught my hand and pulled it up to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “It’s alright.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“Yea…”</p><p>“Well, I’d still like to make you feel good…” I pulled him over so he came to rest on his back and moved against him from the side.</p><p>“How?” he asked, looking at me. I could hear the amusement in his voice.</p><p>“I don’t know…” I let my hands wander down over his stomach, trailing the line of hair under his navel. “You have any suggestions?” I looked up at him.</p><p>“I could think of a thing or two,” he muttered, pulling me against him and kissing me.</p><p>I crawled on top of him, my knees left and right of his hips.</p><p>He smirked, licking his lips. Looking up at me and let his hands wander up my sides to cup my breasts. “Take off those panties,” he whispered.</p><p>I hadn’t been fully naked in front of him for months. The thought of undressing before him after so long made me feel nervous and excited at the same time. Would he still like what he saw? What would he ask me to do? Something inside me cramped at the possibilities. I got up off the bed, made sure the door was locked, and took off my panties, standing before him.</p><p>It was almost completely dark in the room, yet he watched me intently, reaching out for me when I got close enough to touch, caressing my naked hip with one big hand.</p><p>“I want you to sit on my face...”</p><p>I blushed. “What?”</p><p>“Your throne,” he muttered, straightening his imaginary moustache.</p><p>I laughed.</p><p>“What are you waiting for?” His tongue darted out between his lips.</p><p>“Are you serious?”</p><p>“Do you think I’d joke about a thing like that? Come here! Suffocate me with your pussy!”</p><p>I moved towards the bed, slowly at first, but the closer I got, the more enticing his proposal felt.</p><p>Sitting on someone’s face wasn’t something I’d ever thought I’d do. I knew they were doing it in porn, but I had thought that was about the extent of it. How could anyone enjoy…?</p><p>Getting on top of his face and positioning myself was awkward. Where exactly was I supposed to sit? Was I doing this right? I looked down at him self-consciously, but he had wiggled downwards and all I saw of him were his eyebrows and his hair.</p><p>I hesitated, unsure how to proceed.</p><p>Negan grabbed hold of my hips and guided me downwards.</p><p>I put my hands to the headboard to hold my balance just in time. Without something to hold on to, I would have toppled straight over with the sensation of his tongue darting out against me.</p><p>He pulled me down farther, spreading my flesh with greedy fingers and I moved forward and backwards just a little, riding him, trying whether he liked that or not, whether I liked it or not, but quickly found I didn’t have enough control to do much conscious moving at all.</p><p>My hips did their own jerking as he ate me out, tongue darting in and out of me so deep, I was sure he must be a lizard and not a real person.</p><p>“Fuck,” I whimpered, gripping the headboard tighter. I wanted to touch him, but couldn’t reach any part of him.</p><p>Negan pulled me down even further, to the point I was afraid I’d really suffocate him, but he seemed to enjoy just that. His long arms went around my legs and he reached up to grip my breasts. The unexpected touch made me cry out. I hadn’t thought that would be possible in this position.</p><p>A deep rumble coming from low in his chest, that I felt more than heard, was my answer.</p><p>He made me lift up a bit so he could get some air. My legs were barely strong enough to hold me. I was shaking with desire, wanting more.</p><p>Good thing Negan didn’t allow himself much of a break. Soon enough, he pulled me back down again.</p><p>His tongue darted into me and I tilted my hips to see his face. I wanted to see his expression, to know how much he enjoyed himself… I wanted to spread my legs even farther, to have him inside of me even more…</p><p>Once again, Negan’s arms wandered around my legs, embracing them, spreading me apart further. I put up one foot so he had better access and cried out as he pushed into me with his fingers on top of everything else.</p><p>I would be sore as fuck tomorrow, but it would be worth it!</p><p>“Good lord…” I cried as Negan shifted under me, hitting a new spot. My hips jerked and I could barely hold myself upright, despite my hands on the headboard.</p><p>His fingers found my clit and he circled over it a few times, teasing me.</p><p>“Please…” I couldn’t remember what I’d wanted to say. I was drowning in pleasure. All I knew was I wouldn’t be able to keep this up for long. My instinct was to move down to kiss him, but then he wouldn’t be able to…</p><p>I arched my back and out of the corner of my eyes I noticed he had his dick out and was touching himself. He really enjoyed this… He loved this so much, he was wanking himself off to me sitting on his face.</p><p>A pleasant shiver went through my body at the thought and I allowed myself to lower down even further, moving backwards and forwards, riding his face. A pressure was building inside of me that felt almost dangerous… like I would explode if…</p><p>Negan growled into my pussy.</p><p>My body jerked. Negan moved his fingers over my clit again and pushed into me with his other hand so unexpectedly, it made me cry out and orgasm hit me so hard, I thought I was having a stroke. I squirmed forwards as the muscles inside of me contracted and couldn’t do anything but whimper as my flesh quivered around his face.</p><p>Negan pushed me down just far enough so he could breathe and I let myself fall over backwards, coming to rest half on top of him, my knees by his head.</p><p>“Fuck…” I panted, unable to move.</p><p>Negan pushed me off of him and half sat up, caressing my butt and hips, kissing me with wet lips.</p><p>“My god,” Negan whispered, wiping his mouth on his arm.</p><p>“Hmm?” I whimpered.</p><p>“I didn’t know you could squirt like that…”</p><p>“I didn’t…”</p><p>“Oh yes, you did,” he chuckled. And, before I could say anything: “And don’t you dare apologize!”</p><p>I made a low sound again, still breathing hard. “Are… you feeling better?”</p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p>“Well, I hope you do…” I weakly pushed myself up on my elbows so I could look at him.</p><p>He smiled at me like the cat that got its cream. Rolling over, I realized why: there was a spurt of his cum on his stomach, almost all the way up to his chest.</p><p>“I’ll take this as a yes,” I laughed.</p><p>Slowly, with weak limbs, I turned around so my head was at the head end of the bed again and kissed Negan. He tasted and smelled of my juices. Even his eyebrows were wet. Had I really just… squirted on his face?</p><p>That would have been embarrassing as shit with any guy other than Negan. With him, I knew he would take it as a compliment.</p><p>Fuck, I loved this man. I never wanted to be without him ever again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This scene initially took place in between Negan shooting Micah and Alana... riding his face... enjoy! </p><p>“I had to make an example of him,” Negan said, sitting in our living room with a glass of booze in his hand. The hail had stopped, but it was still raining hard. <br/>“Yes, but… like this?” I asked. I had looked in on Micah after Negan had visited him. He had been bleeding like crazy, but had somehow managed to patch himself up and had been resting on the sofa, a bottle of gin in his hands. Would violence really always be the answer? Couldn’t Negan have locked him up or something like that?<br/>“Hate to say it, but I agree with Alana on that. What was so bad about it? He felt her up a bit, so fucking what?” Simon chipped in. <br/>Negan and I both turned towards him. <br/>“What?” he shrugged, looking at me, “I’m just saying you’re seeing crime where there is none,” and turning to Negan “and you even punished him for it!” <br/>“So you think it’s alright to just… try your luck with every woman you fancy?” I raised my eyebrows. <br/>“No, but… you’re his ex… that’s different.” <br/>“Is it?” Negan’s voice had an undertone in it that told Simon he better watch his next words carefully. <br/>“Nothing the fuck happened!” he kept on defending Micah. <br/>“But it would have if I hadn’t punched him in the face!” <br/>“So you want to punish him for getting punched in the face?”<br/>I groaned and got to my feet. His line of reasoning was too fucking idiotic. <br/>“Where are you going?” Negan asked.<br/>“To hang myself. I can’t take this much fucking ignorance.” <br/>“Oh stop acting so high and mighty…” Simon sneered. <br/>I gritted my teeth. <br/>“You’re only on this council because you fuck Negan! If it wasn’t for that, you’d happily run back to Micah… he’s not half bad once you get to know him.” <br/>I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, then looked at Negan, then back at Simon. “Sorry, what did you just say?”<br/>“Oh you heard me just fine…” <br/>“Yea, I just wanted to give you a chance to maybe change your mind.” <br/>Simon shook his head. “Not gonna happen. I stand by my word.” He looked from Negan to me and back to Negan again defiantly. <br/>“I don’t know if you remember this, you drink way more than is good for you these days,” Negan said, “but… the three of us, we started this whole fucking business together. Alana has just as much right to sit here than you and I do. No matter who she decides to fuck.” <br/>“So you wouldn’t have a problem if she and I…” Simon grabbed his crotch suggestively. <br/>“Never in a million years,” I hissed. <br/>Simon snorted. <br/>I moved closer towards him, swaying my hips a bit more than strictly necessary, and bent down so my mouth was by his ear. “Not if you were the last guy on earth,” I whispered. <br/>“I could make you,” Simon whispered. <br/>I pulled my knife and pressed it to his throat, slowly, pretending carelessness. “You sure about that?”<br/>“Alana, Take down the knife,” Negan muttered, seeming annoyed. <br/>“You want to think what you just said over once more?” I pressed, ignoring Negan. Slowly and carefully I pulled my knife over Simon’s skin. I didn’t want to kill him, I just wanted to make very sure he got my point. <br/>“Alana!” Negan said again. <br/>“I just want to make sure we’re on the same fucking page,” I shrugged, looking at Negan. <br/>“We are, for fuck’s sake!” Simon spat, struggling against me. “Now get that knife off of me you damn madwoman!”<br/>I stepped back. A thin trickle of blood flowed down from Simon’s neck.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Micah ruins everything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The end!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had rained almost all through the night. Only in the morning did the sun come out again.</p><p>The damage the hail had done to our crops was devastating. Months of hard work had been destroyed over the course of a couple hours.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>I sat on the ground by the garden beds, ignoring the moisture that seeped through my pants from the ground. The air was thick with humidity already, despite the early hour. The day would be hot again. My pants would dry.</p><p>Our ruined crops were much more important. What were we going to do? We had to get through the winter. Our crops wouldn’t have sufficed if they’d all thrived, but now…</p><p>We couldn’t stay here. We had scavenged every single house and supermarket in the surrounding towns. There was nothing left.</p><p>Footsteps approached me from the side.</p><p>“You’re such a fucking bitch!” Micah said.</p><p>I didn’t move.</p><p>“Don’t you have anything better to do than to go home to your boyfriend and tattle on me? Like a silly little child?”</p><p>I turned and got to my feet.</p><p>“Don’t YOU have anything better to do than get drunk and try to feel me up?”</p><p>“It’s not my fault you just came into my house, all wet and…”</p><p>“Oh please… just shut up!” I hissed. It was no use trying to fight him when he thought himself the victim. Of course I had come to him on purpose. Because I obviously didn’t have anything else to do. Sure.</p><p>He limped closer. His balls must hurt like crazy.</p><p>“Whatever you think you’re going do… just don’t.” I shook my head at him.</p><p>“Or what?”</p><p>“I’m not threatening you! I just… jeez, do we have to fight every time we meet?”</p><p>“Obviously! Since you’re always starting shit!”</p><p>I rolled my eyes.</p><p>A walker appeared behind Micah, coming out of the woods.</p><p>Micah was injured. I had to fucking protect him, even though I’d rather just let the walkers have at him. “Get out of the way,” I said, grabbing my knife and moving towards the walker.</p><p>I had almost reached it, when something hit me in the back. Hard.</p><p>Oww.</p><p>I only half turned towards Micah, keeping most of my attention focused on the walker, but that was enough. I stumbled over the rock on the ground, the rock that had been thrown at me,… and fell straight into the walkers’ arms.</p><p>Shit!</p><p>It wrapped its arms around me and bit down on my shoulder.</p><p>Fuck, this hurt! Black spots danced over my vision.</p><p>I managed to kick the walker away and stumbled a couple steps backwards, cradling my injured arm, gritting my teeth against the pain.</p><p>A gun fired somewhere and the walker dropped.</p><p>My teeth were chattering as I searched for whoever had shot.</p><p>Simon and Negan came running towards us from the street up front. My gaze met Negan and I saw the moment he realized what had happened in his eyes.</p><p>“Shoot the fucking asshole,” Negan barked.</p><p>Simon moved past me, towards Micah, gun drawn.</p><p>Blood was flowing from the wound on my shoulder, down my arm, dripping to the ground. It hurt like crazy. But Negan was there now. He would make everything alright.</p><p>“I… it bit me…” I whimpered, slowly moving towards him. Only when I said it out loud did I realize what that meant. Negan wouldn’t be able to make this alright. “It… bit me!” I repeated, my voice sounding teary.</p><p>Simon aimed and fired and Micah dropped to the ground with a hole in his head.</p><p>“Come on, sit down,” Negan said, ushering me towards our house. “Come on.” His voice was softer than I had ever heard him. He led me to the back porch and sat down with me on the stairs, holding me tight.</p><p>“It bit me,” I said again. “I… I’ll turn…” Tears started running down my face. “I don’t want to turn! You have to…” I reached for Negan’s gun but he held it out of my reach.</p><p>His face was pale. “Not yet,” he whispered, eyes filling with tears too. “I will, but not yet…” He squeezed me against him. Tight.</p><p>I breathed in his scent. It calmed me. He was there. Negan was there with me. But… “I can’t die,” I whispered, voice hoarse with tears. I didn’t want to leave him and… “I… I think I’m pregnant.”</p><p>Negan let go of me long enough so our gazes could meet. My vision was blurry, but I saw well enough to realize something was breaking inside of him. His hard mask was gone. He was the Negan I had known back when everything had been alright. Soft and vulnerable… “No!” he said. “Don’t say that! I… I can’t fucking bear this again!”</p><p>I blinked a few times, trying to get my vision to clear. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry…” My eyes hurt. I felt feverish. My arm was numb all the way down to my fingers. Both my arms actually… “I… wanted to wait to tell you until I was sure… but now…”</p><p>Negan just shook his head at me and pulled me against him again. “Don’t leave me,” he whispered. “Please just fucking don’t!”</p><p>“I’m so sorry…” Talking was getting hard. Thinking too… Words were… weird. I was running out of time. “I love you,” was what I had wanted to say, but my lips had trouble forming the syllables.</p><p>“I love you too,” Negan answered, understanding me nonetheless. “Shit I love you so much…”</p><p>My vision was almost too blurry to see anything, but I noticed movement around me. Negan’s arms loosened… something cold pressed against my temple… I focused on Negan’s face and took one last inhale… there was a bang… and then everything went black.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So... this was it! <br/>The journey is over. <br/>I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it! <br/>Let me know if you burst into tears at that last chapter! Because writing it, I sure as fuck did! <br/>RIP Alana!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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